Knocking On Doors

I thought it was Knocking On Doors.

I’ve always been so shy in those kind of social situations.

Knocking on a door for the first time is like standing before a firing sqaud. I’d come to a new friend’s house, and sit across the street for fifteen minutes examining the surroundings, and weighing all the evidence... determining if I was at the right house.

If i knocked on the wrong house apparently the sky would fall in on me, leaving only a mangled left foot. If it looked like i might end up knocking on a wrong door, i'd just end the friendship.

I was wrong.

That was the easy part, still is. i should know, i've done it now for almost two full weeks.

It takes you two full weeks to know everything about anything, a relationship, a marriage, kids, all of it.

I recommend using the first two weeks of anything to base your entire estimation of it on.

side note: sarcasm is also sweet.

My first day of selling i found my finger pressing doorbells and my hand knocking doors and my face smiling and speaking and selling and doing and- no sky falling, no left mangled foot.

I don't hate knocking on doors.

I kinda like it.

even the "no soliciting" people can be fun, and you can laugh when you hear people yelling at you through the window.

I like the Knocking On Doors part. I've knocked on hundreds of them already. for real.

Don't know why it was so easy

(i doubt i've grown up or anything... the bank still scares me..)

I guess i just told myself it's time to let the "boy" die in that regard and i'm gonna do this, even spend the whole summer doing this, and so i'd better ignore all that emotional stuff and just get a going.

done and done.

1st lesson learned is:

1. Direct Selling (door to door) is the hardest job in the whole world mentally.

I thought i was pretty strong in the whole brain department... strong minded, strong willed - all that good stuff that can be bad stuff when you step on others.

I was wrong. My mind has gotten so smashed, crashed squashed and crumbled,

you'd not believe it unless you've done sales before.

Sales is the hardest profession.

Other jobs you can suck at and earn money.

Other Jobs you get paid for what you know.

Other Jobs are easy, you only need to work hard to do well, to get paid.

sales you can work hard and with all you've got and have nothing to show for it.

that is hard.

I've learned that sales is harder than i thought, and my mind is a weak, shaky, flighty thing.

2nd lesson learned is:

Salesmen are great people, a piece of the best.

Ultimate lesson:

It's not knocking on doors...

I hate sales.

I thought I liked sales and hated knocking on doors and bothering people, but I had it wrong. I like bothering people, I just HATE sales.

Sales sucks.

Everyday I go through a roller-coaster of fear, then I hate this, then ‘this is easy’, then ‘this is fun’, then ‘I hate this I hate this’, then ‘I’m never going to make money’, then ‘I’m gonna be the best ever’ then ‘I’m wasting my time, I hate this’ then ‘get yourself back in this game’ then ‘why can’t I be doing something I like and getting paid for it, rather than doing this and not getting paid for 90% of it?’ then ‘I’m doing this, I’m not doing this’ “im going to quit’ then ‘how do they do this all summer” ‘what time is it- are we done yet?’ then “I’m so awesome at this!” then “I’m quitting soon”.

And on and on.

And that’s on a good day when you don’t get stuck in a pity-party.

Knocking on Doors is fun, it's sales that is the worst stupidest job in the world, and there should be a statue of every man that does it.

I hate it.

But I’m not quitting.

I kinda want to see what happens if I just keep going.

Will I make no money and learn nothing?

Or will I learn ‘everything’?

I think I need to do this. I need to not quit. I need to follow this through all these hard days where I feel like I’m holding my mind and self-worth together with strands of cheap tape.

Who will I be after a summer of knocking on doors, by the hundreds? A summer of mental fight- of mastering my self and emotions?

I don’t think I’ll quit, though I can lie and say I’m not results-driven and pretend I’ll stay it out no matter what. But I don’t think I will. I think I WILL stick around. I want to know who I will be if NO MATTER WHAT,

I just keep

Knocking On Doors