Time to be a man

Yeah, its time for the Creech League, time to get down and dirty or to go home, which is not an option. Its time to find out who you are, if your a man or not (or a woman for than matter, no minding how short the hair may be). its time to stop looking for it in people of the opposite sex (or people of the same sex for that matter) it time to own up to ourselves and to the one who made us, the one who made us who we could be and believes in us. We were made to be the people we were made to be, why are we so scared?
Why do i want a woman to tell me I'm a man? why do i want the men i know and respect to tell me I'm a man? because i missed out on having a dad around to let me know i had become one, so i turned to gals for it, but after all these years, turning to others just doesn't work. neither does living a dangerous life, or sitting on tigers or climbing the great wall or living and preaching in communist China or living and preaching in Ukraine, nor does performing music for people or recording, or producing and recording others, nor does song writing or my art, or basketball, living on clouds and wishes to do want i love to do and be who i was made to be doesn't do it, telling that truth about what and who you love doesn't do it. I guess i need to find out that i am a man from the One who can make me a real man, God. its time for God i guess, and not just serving him and studying and being all passionate and worshiping and all that, i mean time to let him speak to me and let the silence between us talk and say how much i hate him for not letting me know i am a man and that I'm not alone in this world, how much i lack the trust and belief in him to let go of needing to find stupid ways to please myself, how i am so stuck on trusting him and i do trust him and how i feel abandoned by him like i need to find out I'm a man on my own, all the while knowing that only he can tell me that. i know i've searched for it in other places and that has shaped me in a way that keeps me from being a man. its time for the destruction only God can bring. its time for the creation only God can do.