Prick Patrol

hey everyone. my name is Tony and sometimes i am a prick.
some have said to me "you're just a big puritan prick" (maybe i even said it to myself). And to that i think.. yeah. i also wonder "what exactly is a puritan...are we speaking historically here, like the great awakening kind of prick.. or..is that a 'the Simpson's' style label attempting to be more humorous and idea driven then 'literally accurate', endowed with a taste of sarcasm to get some deep truth outta me. i don't know, but i am both bothered and proud to be a prick... i guess part of me thinks...hey I"M FINALLY A MAN!!
i used to be an extreme people pleaser and i'd only ever do mean things to people if there was some great multitude there that would make me their King for being so funny and mean. I had too low of self-esteem. no real backbone to confront people or to do anything that would make those i respected mad at me or disagree with me , so.. in that sense, i am a happy prick.
but i also think to myself, why the crap am i a prick? obviously i've been enough of one so that when someone like Luke Flaming says "tony, your a prick" i respond, "yep". But why?
'Tony' i ask myself...

'where is the fruits of the Spirit?'

'oh they're there...sometimes' i respond

'but why aren't you living in them all the day'

'i try... kind of ... sometimes'

'why are you a prick? why aren't you meek like Christ'

'Christ was only meek towards some people, and if i am meek i want it to be because i trust Christ, not because i have low confidence in myself. actually i think i am more confident in myself, not as boastful or prideful, nope, i think I'm a thousand times more okay with myself, and so i don't need to find my approval from other people'

'so you're saying what? that God told you that you are okay being a prick?'

'no, i just mean that.. i dunno, i think people who are out to please and obey God rather man will ALWAYS appear to be a prick to certain people... like Peter in his speeches in Acts, at Pentecost... the Pharisee were like "that prick cant talk to us like that..we are children of God!!!!" .. so shouldn't i expect, as i am more secure in God, and i don't speak out because of insecurity, that ill appear more of a prick to people?'

'Tony...Tony, tony, tony... this is not a discussion of how you APPEAR to people, but of who you ARE... you respond 'yep' to someone calling you a prick, not asking if you "appeared" to be one."

'okay you got me there'

'and all that doesn't justify actions that grieve the Holy Spirit, that aren't growing from the Fruit of the spirit'

'yeah you are right, i guess. but you know...the fruit of the Spirit doesn't LOOK like how we'd expect all the time, look at how Paul wrote about certain people in his letters, or how Jesus acted toward people...we'd go, "oh i don't know if thats FRUIT!!! doesn't seem very kind or patient, or loving..there's gotta to be a better way", some fruit doesn't appear to be what we'd call 'fruit', and we think "fruit" is everyone walking around saying encouraging things about everyone and smiling and praying for each other in Greek and talking theology and not getting angry about how people are twisting Gods words and offending HIM, Calling themselves Kingdom workers when they probably have no part in Christ, "fruit" we think is telling everyone that God loves them and is never angry at them, its going to Briercrest and attending all chapels, its enjoying and worshiping God, even if you cant stand the music or the people playing the music, its thinking YOU are wrong all the time, and that it can't possibly something wrong with others that bothers you, cant be chapel, cant be Dwanye Uglem, much less his "preaching", no... it must be you cuz you are a sinner saved by grace..and not a new creation that has no need of insecurities or attempts to look holy, even if by thinking your a terrible sinner all the time and calling that 'humility'. -p.s. if THAT is humility ..then how could God, CHRist, be humble, since he was not...IS NOT a sinner at all, (except that Christ took our sin upon himself...but not because he thought LOW of himself, but because he Humbled himself..they aren't the same thing.'

'well, tony, thats all very true and wonderful...'

'uh huh... your silence is scaring me'

'yeah well.. all that you said may be the most deep, prophetic, truth- busting out the wrong ideas and ways of the masses, ushering a new era of salvation and grace the world hasn't seen since ST. Francis....but....'

'but...'

'well. what does all that have to do with anything...we are speaking about YOU, about why you know that you are a prick sometimes, why YOU hold back from the spirit, why You hold back from Love and live the life a cynic too much, why you are afraid of letting go of your bitterness because you seek Justice, why you still hide anger at people and things that is only God getting angry and living inside you, and why you get pissed off at stuff when God would shower grace and understanding and patience.'

'you're right, im a prick'

' TONY, YOU ARE NOT A PRICK'

'yes i am, don't ham it up wth me, i know who i am, i know what i think and say, to may best of friends, to my mom, to the people i love more than anything, i know how bad a lover or boyfriend i can be, have been, how i am afraid of marriage and parenthood because i know i'm soooo fricking rotten'

'TONY, shut up... please just Shut UP!!!... ... YOu are a new creation in Christ.. weren't' you just ranting about that?... those fears, those sins, those thoughts, are not ALL YOU, besides being the devils, which, lets admit, a bunch of it probably is...it is the sin in you, the sin Christ put away so that, if you ADD ALL THAT UP< YOU DON'T GET WHAT MAKES UP "YOU", YOU have been started a new, in Christ you are not a sinner, you have the ability to LOVE, to do what only the one good Christ could do before, his Spirit is in YOU, all the YOU that LOVES God, and Loves others and CRYs at night for those you do not yet know God, all of you that seeks God and hates not having him here to walk in the cool of the day with, ALL SUCH THING ARE YOU! you are made up of what GOd says you're made up of, this is not a decree where you can be a prick or get a gal pregnant (or at least try to, over and over again) and then say "hey thats not me, thats the sin Christ died for, the real wouldn't do that, therefore i have no need to stop or repent!!" but then the one saying that would not be the REAL YOU CREATED IN GOD, tony the point is you have a choice to live in the new YOU of faith and love, or repentance and forgiveness, the one who walks away for sex because you LOVE GOD too much and LOVE her too much , not because you know you could never get away with such an act in Caronport without SOMEBODY finding out, its not about excusing stuff, but about knowing you have an opportunity to live with God today, following him today, You are not a prick tony creech, you're not "full of shit", you are God's child, yes in desperate need of hugs, but his child nonetheless.'

'yeah i do have a problem thinking that i'm guilty all the time, forgetting how much i am Forgiven, i carry my sin on and on, and don't let it go, don't forgive myself, which keeps me form believing that i can do good, which makes living in the Spirit and living for God impossible'

'yes, tony, remember a couple sundays ago?'

'yes i was confront with the idea of communion and the forgiveness of Christ, his blood, his body...and i realized in him i can be forgiven and i don't have to be a 'sinner' anymore but a veritable "saint", like Francis!!!!, i had my heart swell in me and rise upon the crest of a wave i could not control and He said, I FORGIVE YOU, and my heart broke for joy and i felt like God loved me and forgave like i haven't in years, i felt ...NOt... Guilty...knowing what i deserve....oh how precious that communion IS!!! how sweet the loss of all my guilt and pains, all my self hatred, and this done not by me forgiving myself or psychology, not by counseling, but by the blood of the one who didn't forget me, who did not hide in His love for me but who came back and showed that he wouldn't let me go without the greatest of fights, that gives me his LIFE his Spirit so that i can fight, i fight i WILL'

'tony, i love these talks'

'me too.. i had FORGOTTEN HOW CHRIST DIED and FORGAVE ME!!! i am not such a prick! i am not one constantly caught being bad by God, but one God gave himself to that i might- impossible of impossibles- do GOOD and LOVE and be SELFLESS, ,..wow wow wow
i need a minute just to take all this stuff in... you know what this means???!! this forgiveness!!!!!'

'take all the time you need, tony, take all the time you need'

the great Alcohol talk

the great alcohol debate, new and full of stuff to read! check it out yo

Okay so.......my friend Jay Anderson posted on his myspace about Christians and drinking and how the North American Church has made the drinking of alcohol some huge bad scary thing...i mean being addicted to the stuff is a terrible, terrible, thing, drunkenness has cost many thier fathers and mothers, etc. etc.... but it does not justify the 'easy righteousness' actions of those who wish to look good, as if it all had to do with not drinking a beer ever....
we've been way off the mark for a long time... so this is my (somewhat impassioned, somewhat playful and inquiring) response to Jay's post... (i actually posted it there too)

AMEN AND AMEN, i've always that it was soooo funny, all this about alcohol being some big deal... how when we join ministries they almost always require us to sign something saying that we wont drink alcohol (i even did this myself, with my band once). i mean, COME ON! Christ couldn;'t pastor most churches in america, or be a missionary in almost every mission organization i can think of, because THEY ARE TOO BIG OF PRUDES (yeah, and me calling them 'big prudes' doesn't mean they aren't otherwise amazing people or that i haven't been exactly like them, this is no pointing the finger-fest, just thoughts on how is it is to make 'holiness' into a workable thing we can accomplish on our own). Today's religious population deemed 'protestant' for the most part couldn't accept is "dangerous" styles and behavior (is 'prudes' a word? if it isn't then, its substitute is this phrase "big puritan pricks", hehehehe, okay so the puritans weren't all pricks, but the whole legalist door was opened and definitely walked down... and i am not a subject on that time period and i wont go thinking that God didn't want them to go 'legalistic' back then.it's HIS church. i mean i love ole Jonny Edwards as much as the next amazing theologian, the best america ever had next to Donald Bloesch, and i don't think he was anything like a prick, but he's part of that movement, i mean i'm not condemning anyone here, these are the roots to much of what i love about america, but it has turned into an misunderstanding of holiness, and perhaps Edwards took the sinners in the hands of an angry God thing too far, maybe God is not so predictable as systematic theology would have us believe -not that he was like that, i love him. A LOT) Christ is too much of a God follower for us to handle, he will choose HIM over 'man' any day of the week, and i for one, US, we will join him, to the false accusations of the pharisees and loser -christ-wannabees out there all trying to look good at the cost of following the one who is good, and who says we are good, even if we get addicted to having a few too many beers, even if we ever...GOd FOR BID...SIN!! (hey you gotta look at these heart wrenching issues lightheartedly, cuz, hey man they are over our heads and out of our control, God mysterious love of us, is all we have going for us, not being 'right' about any of these issues, no matter how much i blog or argue or ramble)
i wish the fruits of the Spirit were a prerequisite for a ministry job and not stuff like " i will not touch a drop", i hope jesus doesn't show up at most christian weddings in North America, he might drop a bunch of cases of the best wine heaven could handle in the party and HE'll get kicked right out and have his "ministry credentials" pulled if he does not repent, and that'd suck to be at those partys, and see just how much the Real, dangerous, unafraid, unwanted GOd, is not allowed to interfere with church business, the life of a christian, and certainly not thier 'holiness'. ok, now im rambling!!! I AM RAMBLING !! look at me im so mad im molting...i'm molting...cough.... yeah.
hey this is not a blog against those of you who think drinking is a dirty, sicko thing to do, its just a rant about how hard it is to understand Christ and God, who lives outside of EVEN our boxes of what we want to make right and wrong, much less the boxes of the Pharisees of his day... i mean consider him, if we had him around, and he was some guy we knew, we'd sling all kinds of "don't you think there is a better way to deal with these Pharisees then to keep egging them on and telling them that God will destroy them and all this WOE and HELL stuff, its kind of harsh, where is the love?" at Him. Hey, i'm not saying i wouldn't have the same problems with him, i would, and thats why it bothers me...jesus is too unholy for myself...and i guess his Holiness is real and from the core and a wild, Spirit led thing, and mine is made mostly in the eyes of MAN, so its a do-able thing without the miraculous Spirit, and i am a prick and make others feel guilty cuz they are not me like the GREAT me!!! ehheeheh ha. we are funny people, us 'ones who have met the One Christ, the one who is 'good' and yet still has a hard time fitting in with what we know as good. i just don't think we pretend that Jesus had all these 'reasons' for doing what he did and why we don't have to be so stunned by his actions, 'oh jesus lived in a different world, it wasn't as bad back then to drink cuz the wine was different'', or ''he HAD to.. cuz while he could change water into wine he couldn't change it into purified water so it was safe it drink"...

yeah its funny stuff to think about.... i love all you people who take the time to think with me, i feel soo dumb most days, i cant get a grip on most theology, or 'God stuff' so i appreciate your words.
tony

pics

Time to be a man

Yeah, its time for the Creech League, time to get down and dirty or to go home, which is not an option. Its time to find out who you are, if your a man or not (or a woman for than matter, no minding how short the hair may be). its time to stop looking for it in people of the opposite sex (or people of the same sex for that matter) it time to own up to ourselves and to the one who made us, the one who made us who we could be and believes in us. We were made to be the people we were made to be, why are we so scared?
Why do i want a woman to tell me I'm a man? why do i want the men i know and respect to tell me I'm a man? because i missed out on having a dad around to let me know i had become one, so i turned to gals for it, but after all these years, turning to others just doesn't work. neither does living a dangerous life, or sitting on tigers or climbing the great wall or living and preaching in communist China or living and preaching in Ukraine, nor does performing music for people or recording, or producing and recording others, nor does song writing or my art, or basketball, living on clouds and wishes to do want i love to do and be who i was made to be doesn't do it, telling that truth about what and who you love doesn't do it. I guess i need to find out that i am a man from the One who can make me a real man, God. its time for God i guess, and not just serving him and studying and being all passionate and worshiping and all that, i mean time to let him speak to me and let the silence between us talk and say how much i hate him for not letting me know i am a man and that I'm not alone in this world, how much i lack the trust and belief in him to let go of needing to find stupid ways to please myself, how i am so stuck on trusting him and i do trust him and how i feel abandoned by him like i need to find out I'm a man on my own, all the while knowing that only he can tell me that. i know i've searched for it in other places and that has shaped me in a way that keeps me from being a man. its time for the destruction only God can bring. its time for the creation only God can do.